nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
