let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
