I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this just has baby written all over it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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