she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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