Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
