i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
