An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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