just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
