she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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