Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish i was in the wii world.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
