I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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