I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
