Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
