I feel like abortions should bother me more
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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