He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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