u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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