my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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