We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
