Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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