Where did you get a picture of my penis
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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