I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
