Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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