I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
