All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
