You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
