If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
