Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
