So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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