I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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