it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We're too hungover to prance.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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