The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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