Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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