So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
