You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
