Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
