I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
