Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
