There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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