I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have post one night stand depression
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
