Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
