i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
