Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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