she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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