I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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