So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
