It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
