I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
