She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
