Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
