it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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