it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
