We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's always time for handjobs
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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