dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we should paint friendship bongs
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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