I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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