Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
