Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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