She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
