I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
