It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
