took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just blew my weed a kiss
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
