i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
